Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
