I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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