I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
