I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
