your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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