everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
