# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
