I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
