Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dicks are not precious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
