Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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