either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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