Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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