dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
