Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
