im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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