Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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