K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
3 2 1 whiskey
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
