You made me cry and you don't even care
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
