it hurts more in the daytime
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
