Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
