went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
