i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
