Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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