Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
