I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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