office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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