I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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