does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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