i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
