Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
