What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
