i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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