Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
