I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
