Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
