I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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