I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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