I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
