respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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