I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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