I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
