I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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