Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
