Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
