i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
