I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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