New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
