I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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