went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
