It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
