Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
