just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
