distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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