I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
