Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
