Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
