I hate all girls vehemently.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
