I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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