it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize