Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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