brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
