dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
