it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
