I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
