She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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