Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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