She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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