I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
